Thursday, July 26, 2007

Yellow Stars on the floor

We were working late in the college computer lab again; the next day was the great show down of the computer projects. We had been working late for almost a week now and the application that we were supposed to present, the billing system was not working yet. When I stared at the monitor trying to figure what could be the possible code to make this **** thing work, I still had not understood why an MBA grad was expected to do a computer project and make the application work! Our profs had told us that the objective of this ‘exercise’ was not just the output that we have on the d day. It seems we pick up incentive skills while we are at this. Ya right! like these:

Learning new things: Yes, we are trying to crack .NET coding. No positive results so far.
Teamwork: The six of us had not reached the stage of exchanging blows yet, not bad.
Meeting deadlines: Of course, we haven’t finished our project, and the 2 assignments that are to be submitted tomorrow- we haven’t even started them. Great going!
Working under pressure: Why not, no lunch, the hostel mess closes at 9 pm. It was nine thirty already and we were still in college, no dinner.

My team-mates were exhausted, partly because of work, partly because of the high-pitched screaming-at sessions that we had had (for ease, I would call it ‘subject discussions’). There is always noise when great minds are at work, together! All of us were hungry, frustrated and angry at each other and also at the application we had chosen to develop.

After a brief intermission, we started arguing again. Five minutes later, Ramya cracked, she started sobbing. I couldn’t stand it anymore either. I took her out leaving the rest of my lunatic team and the systems behind. The lab attender threatened to lock us in if we didn’t leave sooner.

It was a cool night. Inside the building, there were workers welding something on the ceiling. As the sparks flew, they made an amazing sight. They were doing up something right in the middle of the ceiling and as the drops of fire travelled down, the height of about two floors and hit the ground below, it split into numerous smaller drops of light, bright yellow light. It looked almost like stars on the floor. We stared at this beauty for about 5 minutes, then we couldn’t look any longer, it sort of blinds the eyes.

I felt lighter and for some stupid reason, I even felt happy! Ramya also had recovered.

We got back to the lab, we had to wind up soon, we didn’t have too much of a choice. I knew our project is going to fail big time, I had trouble accepting the fact, especially because the expectations from us would be very high as we had won both the previous projects, the social research and the remodel one. Nevertheless, this is the result that we have today and we will be presenting it tomorrow with as much grace as possible!

We returned to the hostel and drank tea, finished half an assignment before we drifted off. Early morning was chaos, I wont go into details, otherwise, I wil end up writing a book!

So, we presented the project, of course we failed miserably. The judges, two experts, tore us into bits and pieces. And I felt the team that won just had beautiful html screenshots and not a single screen that actually worked, leaving all of us look like some stupid over worked blockheads!

To top it all, I was awarded grades for the two unfinished assignments also. I don’t even want to discuss it :(

It was a hard day, full of disappointment and bitterness. After all this, when I was getting back from college that day, I had a picture of beautiful tiny yellow stars on the floor. I was not trying to console myself by visualising them. I knew I had failed the project that I had so badly wanted to win. I have definitely learnt from the whole thing. But I was glad that something as insignificant as few sparks flying from a construction had made my day better.

Now, more than three years later: that day, is just another day of the past. Making silly billing systems work is no more on my list of important things. But, when I think of that day, more than the disappointment or the anger, I feel a sense of happiness, the sort of happiness i felt when i saw those sparks. How these small things of beauty give us such good memories!


Wednesday, July 25, 2007

Its a matter of Space

And I am not talking about the vastness in the universe or the earth's atmosphere!

'Give me space' – This is almost a normal statement in most relationships nowadays. Though I doubt if I can ever make my grand mom or even my mom understand what ‘giving space’ means. “In our times, ‘space’ was an unknown issue”, says my boss. “We knew our responsibilities and worked hard at making the relationships work”.

But now, we cannot imagine having any relationship that does not give the space that we need, because it is 'suffocating', and just few years ago, suffocation had only a physical/biological meaning!

Does this mean that we do not realise our responsibilities? Not really. Still, I have to agree that the effort that we put in to make a relationship work has definitely gone down. Blame the changing times, or anything else that you think is appropriate to be blamed, but we have changed. Our priorities have changed vastly.

Today, we seem to realise that we have a choice in life, most of us seem to concentrate on our own lives rather than living a life that is always dictated by other important people in our lives. I think it’s a good trend, I am sure my mom would disagree ;)

I am happy that I live in this period, when I am given my space, to think, to choose, to act, to live! Believe me, we are a lucky lot! It’s a nice time to be alive, so relish it :)


Friday, July 20, 2007


When we are not prepared to handle a let-down in a relationship, the hurt travels too deep into the mind. Philosophers say that you should never expect anything from anyone. I really don’t see that as a good way of life. Come on, whats life without expectations? its VOID! It just does not work that way. Expectations are part of life.

Moreover, its not that you are going to have expectations from just about anyone you see on the street. It happens with people whom you believe are responsible, are trustworthy. When these so-called 'responsible' people let you down in a relationship, thats when it hurts, you feel pain. Sometimes you are shocked. It takes time for reality to sink in. After all the pain and fuss, what makes you get on to your normalty path is the fact that you are independent. What happens if you are so dependent on your 'trustworthy' relationship that you cannot function without their support? You either wither away, or you learn to be independent.

So, that said, Do expect, all the nice things that can ever happen :)
but whatever you are dealing with- people, machines..just remember that it’s a highly dysfunctional lot that you are handling. So be ready for mal-functions!

After all, surprises are part of everyday, aren’t they? As if I am gonna accept your argument! Ha ha

This is sounding good, on second thoughts, maybe i should put this under the label gyaan..

Tuesday, July 3, 2007

The chances we take in life and my mood today

Yes, This post has got nothing to do with any chances anybody takes on anything and is all about my mood today.
And yes, I am evil! I conspired and cooked this title up so you would stop by and read this, expecting it to be some mantra of life.. otherwise why would u want to know about my mood???

Hey come on, dont stop reading, atleast not yet!
I deserve atleast one soul listening to my sad notes :(

so, my mood- awry! awfully awry. its not often that this happens. and not that iam not trying to do anything about it, I am trying. but everytime i read something or listen to someone trying to cheer me up, i get wilderly sadder.

after trying for a long time, i am just resigning this as one of those off-days. We all have it on and off. So, tell me, do you have off-days too? What do you do about it? Does anything at all cheer you up? Drop in your comments